Babyloved

2012-01-29T02:05:00.002+08:00

why? im going insane soon. dk why i study uni, other ppl also study but they like still can always enjoy and still get good grades. why?

then now here im so stressed! why am i so lousy!

cannot take it alr. reading here and i think few seconds later, i forget. or the info chose to escape from my brain. trying hard to stay focus and motivate myself!

plspls hang on!!

2012-01-20T01:23:00.010+08:00

before i got to start another round of studying. shall upload some pics of my hair.

see my lengthy hair. the before and after. hmmm i think its kinda short now alr. but i still feel like cutting it even shorter? butbut im afraid it will make my chin looks even longer.

okk and i dyed too. the hairstylist chose smth like ashy brown for me. but it turn out warmer.

and then i bleached 2 chunks of violet color. as you can see initially it was really sort of purple.

however after several washes e color drop. i alr used color conditioner ehh. now it become dull red/brown like e last row below. i dont even know what color is it. i dont like it!

2012-01-19T00:03:00.004+08:00

what have i eaten for the past few days?!
woke up today with a extremely bad cramp. hurts so much that i cant stand straight.
luckily it got better. i wonder how can i even study with such pain. as im having exams.
and dam forensic ): idk if they will fail me anot when i wrote so short cause i really dk what to write.

alright and now after bathing and everything. the cramp is back again. goodness its so unbearable.
been so long since i had this pain. yeah and i really cannot take it alr. took a panadol, hope it can ease e pain at least for the whole of tmr cause im having psychometrics tmr. ppl who took e paper during the past semester has claim that its a tough paper.
gosh its making me so worried. alright. im so depressed. everybody is in their chinese new year festive mood, preparing for this and that. and ME? worrying here and there, studying here and there.

2012-01-14T01:12:00.002+08:00

like seriously i think my macbook wireless part is spoilt!
why can't my freaking safari load even when i put it infront of the wireless modem.
e right side there keep turning, else it says failed to open page, else it gives me a white screen.
and when i click on the wifi part. it says its connected to my house wifi, but awhile later it shows.
Wifi: Looking for networks, then 1 sec late it shows. Wifi: On
i don't think its normal right.
i alr check for updates. and i refresh like 5 times, and my 4 tabs are all not loading else load half way else stuck there.
think I'm so unlucky. first hang, now this prob. need to bring for repair aft exam ):
and exams. this exam preparation is really stressing me out. i think aft cny it will be worse only 1 week to study for 2 hard core modules.
i can't take it anymore! ):
burstiing blowing up.

2012-01-10T02:12:00.002+08:00

so dissatisfied! is my internet having the prob or my mbp? i had to wait for safari to load for so long. and i need to keep refreshing.
that doesn't even happens to acer.
i don't like my life now!
i know i need to study but i keep getting distracted and I'm all so lazy.
theres too much to study and I'm like all no faith.
no confidence.
): dam agitated when i keeps reading and i don't understand wth are they saying. and i got to reread when i alr don't have the time .
then i feel so pek cek and i just give up and go slack around.

kill me. life always sucks when its like tt.

2012-01-02T03:49:00.002+08:00

Aft seeing so many news about the harmful effects of wearing contact lenses. I actually do feel fearful about it.
And for a moment, I'd consider wearing spects. But tell me which girl are not a vainpot.
Did consider lasik and I know my parents are very supportive of it too. But I just fear of the procedure.
I can't stand pain. And what if mine is not successful. What if I turned blind.
Know I'm so paranoid. But this is my eyes eh, it is so impt. Without them you'll not be able to enjoy all these colors, pictures, scenary.

Can't make up my mind.

2012-01-01T02:19:00.002+08:00

ok its 2.19am, 1st jan 2012.
i love fireworks! it brightens up my day somehow. and we went over to aunty condo to watch it.
although that "boom boom" sound is that loud, its still pretty and we don't have to squeeze with many many people.
they should have it more coming tgt and not little bit of it scattered all over the places haha.

love my family so much! i like it when all of us are tgt as one, spending our time tgt talking, kidding and laughing away.
i never learnt to appreciate it when i was young until i grew up. and i realize enjoying each and every moment with them is so important.

yeah and I'm the only one that has not bought anything for cny at all! shop with denise yet both of us went home empty handed haha. ok I'm starting to feel worried for exam. i need to start tmr. i need to really stop saying tmr and just do it. dam actually it should be later 1 jan, not tmr.

lol and i really dk whats so cool about new year also. everything is e same. just a brand new year.
okk i hope all my family, baby and friends will stay healthy and live happily in every aspect of their life.
cherish your love ones and not take them for granted.

2011-12-31T01:38:00.002+08:00

its new year eve. and I'm not feeling really good about it.
its like there will always be something there.

i hope its 2012 when I'm back.
omg which means I'm having exam sooooon!
18,19,31jan and 1st feb.

i have yet to start studying. so deaddd.

2011-12-30T00:36:00.004+08:00

i just can't help complaining. i really think there is problem with my mac book. first it gets so dam hot upon charging, then the battery lasted only 4 hrs ytd? and today guess what. everything is not loading! i merely just opened 4tabs and all of them are not loading despite me keep refreshing. then suddenly it HANG there. OMGGG. whats wrong? i got to close and quit everything and re-open then its fine.
hello you're only 5 days old and you're like that. I'm depending on you for maybe the next 5 years you know.
gosh I'm bringing it back tmr. how can like that! is it because i bought the last piece remaining in the store on xmas day thats why its like that? ): last piece leiii. maybe there's default or whatsoever.

they're quarreling again. i don't understand. why. what for have love when you're not intending to love each other for the rest of your life. you made a commitment, how can you just give it up. its just such a small issue and I'm all down.
i really admire those kids, i wonder how they go through it.

and and lastly i went to bugis essensuals today with evonne. i spent a bomb!
used the 139$ package (cut, color, treatment) + hair length (40$)+ bleach violet on 2 chunks of hair (50$)
still got some more. evonne and i signed their hair treatment (japanese spa) package. 6times = 340$ (170$ each person)
so kind of her to pay first. and i only pay her back after doing each 1 cause I'm really so broke ): thanks so much von!
the color turn out quite dark. as usual i always feel like my hair is still black even after coloring. as for the bleach uh, the violet is kinda cool. but but after reaching home and spending some time in front of the mirror. i realize its not that obvious unless I'm standing under the light? i bleach alr lei! maybe aft washing several times then the color will be out i guess?
i hope so else my money = go into the drain. and i cut off quite a lot of inches of hair length. hmmm quite happy with it. but hor its because the stylist blow until so shui la. i think aft tmr it will be like MESSY and flying all over the place. cause its somewhere near my shoulder length. shall see how.

today's not a good day. i hope they recover. and i hope my mac will recover too.

2011-12-29T02:39:00.004+08:00

im kinda depressed cause my macbook batt didn't lasted that long as i expected.
its even shorter today! how can that be?
it lasted like only 4hrs and slightly more ): but this time round i watched more video.
is that the reason why? or I'm just finding excuses?
whyyy i really wanna know. i think I'm going to the mac shop and ask the staff!

sometimes i feel that new year resolution are bullsxxx.
its like if you're so persistent to do something, you will eventually do it. what for have what new year resolution?
and end up not doing anything, isn't it.

2011 is coming to an end soon. and i just went to read some of my old posting.
yeah i admit i still feel upset and misses you from time to time. but there's nothing i can do about it.
this just came out of my mouth when chatting with M. i'd rather have a normal and boring life than to suffer from heart aches anymore.
yes baby. i do feel lonely time to time, and i do feel envious when i see most of my friends having their bf to dote and love them. but thats not what i want, i just wanna continue this life. I'm happier this way.

2011-12-26T01:04:00.002+08:00

got my 2nd baby officially on 25 dec 2011! haha so i assume she's born on xmas day.
and i will take extremely good care of it. as I've been wanting it since so long ago. . .
so happy hehe. gonna source for a cover soon as the original one is super expensive.

anw i really like "chris renne" tattoo on his knuckles. and the other day i was saying like omg its so nice.
and mummy was like "hello no tattoo ah"
its "LOVELIFE"baby

here i am blogging with my new baby- macbook pro muahahaha. bought the extra 2yr warranty and mummy also paid for the upgrade to 8gb ram so I promise im going to protect it with all my life. HAHA.

okk gonna turn in. woke up so early today. thanks for everything! i couldn't ask for more than this. blessed (:

2011-12-23T00:41:00.003+08:00

i really dislike myself now.
and i really sucks at comp technical stuff.
do until gan pua pek cek. im trying to help my dad remove malicious malware from his site at google. and that whatever hosting co. and whatever website builder does not allow me to log in. goodness. and in the first place they help him to add his website to google. and now google says i have to go to webmaster tool to remove it. but im not the 1 who uploaded it, and hence i cant delete. even when i go to webmaster tool, the website is not there, obviously right cause im not the 1 putting it up, so how to remove? you tell me la.
and this hosting services co. claims that they dk. walao how can dk, 1 yr or 2 yrs ago your staff help my dad to upload it, now you say you dk. wth. they only ask me to change the ftp pw, and nonsene i cant even assess it. im so fuming mad now. cause my dad has been asking me to help since like a month ago. but im busy with school. and now im trying to help but this lousy hosting service co. aint helping me at all. you start this xxxx how can you say you dk. wanna log in also cant log in, where got such co. de. it is your system eh, and you give client their login info and pw and now cannot log in.

and you know they are buying a mac book for me. i really wanna resolve this issue for em.
else i really feel so useless and unfilial. haiii idk why i just feel kind of pressurised and super irritated. you know these feeling where you really wanna help but you cant cause smth is restricting you. arghhhhhhhhhh!

2011-12-21T02:55:00.003+08:00

baby is so strange tonight. she keeps moving here and there and she is not sleeping. then suddenly she is lying and sleeping outside mummy room. is it because of her skin?
just inspected her body and there are a few red patches + there is like "feng mok" (in canto) kind of feeling. think need to bring her to the vet either on thurs or fri morning? hope dr audrey is in. okk i must rmb to call tmr to check.

and im done with the psychometric essay and i swear this is one of the tougest essay to write! idk why, is it because i cant understand? alright even though im done with it, i dont feel any better. i just cant stop worrying.
siao eh i think im having gad. i will just find something else to worry about.
like now im worried about my baby skin and her dental scaling + my stats and forensic mid term result. and i predict aft tt i will be worrying about studying for final exam.

stop it!

2011-12-17T04:30:00.002+08:00

I just felt like saying... Had a dream last night. Me and you. And it was an awesome dream that I wished I could just remain in it.
But I can't :( it seems so real.
Hai I wish you were really here. Miss you so very much.

2011-12-11T23:07:00.003+08:00

Have been sick for the past 4days. And its kinda one of e worse after so many years.
Normally I'll recover in a day or 2. Ate over 30+ tablets of fever, inflammation, sorethroat, flu, phlegm, antibiotics medicine.
And I think they are so strong that I feel no appetite and strengthless.

Well back to reality tmr :( I think its a blessing that forensic lit review is postpone.
But that means I have 2 essay to submit the next week.
I'm getting really bored and tired of this nv ending studying life.
I realise eating too much medicine makes me agitated very easily.
Dammit I hate all this!!! I should just sleep till eternity. Pointless meaningless

2011-12-05T23:22:00.003+08:00

breaking dawn 1 was awesome. wish i could just continually watched 2 without having to wait for another year or so. hehe cause it never failed to make me have those kind of sweet and special feelings. and flightless bird is another superb song that gave me such nice and indescribable vibe.

my dad is so afraid that im going to find a caucasian bf that he kind of keeps emphasising. but i know what im doing yeah. i dont think its a big deal hanging out with them, making friends with them as long as i know how to control? but whatever, all my friends are local, so dont need to worry so much k. i think he's just influenced by my xxxxxxx.
who knows i might spent the rest of my life living alone, then admitting myself into an old folks home. lol. you will nv know.

ok i dont know what i did to deserve this. think im having some minor eye infection. smth below my eye lid is causing some pain. why at this time. i still got 4 submissions. haven study stats mid term, haven cut down 3105 word limit. please go away.

and jasmine and i just booked a slot on next mon at essentual. i still cant make up my mind if i should dye dark purple? or brown again? so boring. or i just cut it? cause i will be paying myself. and $$$ is limited. howhow. so fan right, human just got to use their brain to think about everything. yeah basically everything even the slightest thing.

arghhh shit idk how stats mid term will be. just 2 chapters sure alot to write. but i haven memorise. im starting to dislike myself. wanna sleep now and then i need to burn mignight oil tmr. whats e problem with me?

2011-12-05T00:28:00.002+08:00

okk and its 5 dec, i kept telling myself that aft 1 dec life will be better. cause there is 5 dam submission during that week. and it isnt any better now? cause there's still 2 submission this week and right afterwards i only have 3-4 days to find and complete forensic literature review. followed by psychometric! gawd thats another tough module :(
and then time to mug for finals. 4 modules. im so worried that i cmi. like i were to fail 1 of them im wasting 1 semester.

and i dont really like this month as it brings back loads of unhappy memories, but im gonna remind myself that i can only reminisce a little of it.
totally not worth avoiding and getting upset over someone who dont cares, yeah.

i have died everyday waiting for you, darling dont be afraid i have loved you.

2011-11-24T00:11:00.003+08:00

Later part of today is a dam bad day.
我真的很讨厌那种感觉。I think its hard to treat people with PTSD.
Like me experiencing several trauma with it. So it has caused me to have such intense fear.
Sometimes I think im abnormal too. Cause I can't control so I will get so freaking scared that I break down and later go through a few minutes of shocked. Lastly my hand starts to tremble. This is when it reaches the top peak.
You will never know how I feel.
I'd rather die then go through exposure therapy. So I guess it will alway be there.
:( when it comes to moment like this. You will know how impt your loved ones ar.

Thank you mummy papa meimei baby! (bro still in ns)

My stats report!!! I want to end all these!!! :(
Can someone shower me some love fun and happiness...

2011-11-17T00:02:00.004+08:00

im feeling kind of low and there is weird thoughts coming to me.
like im so tired of life, what's the point of enduring all these. what's the purpose in life, why am i here.
sighh ): lol sounds like a suicidal person. but im not la.
i just feel really tired of all these. school is stressing me out. all the stress is coming from there. freaking worried that i cant handle you know! arghh whats wrong with me. if others can why cant i. whyyyyy? i wish i could be faster, be slightly smarter. i wish i'd know everything.

suddenly, i felt so depressed. lol. ok i shall turn in.
what will tmr be?

sis showed me a video and i need to constantly remind myself. i should appreciate everything i have now and im really happy with it. just work harder.
"people are always focusing on the things that they cant have. and they overlook what they already have"

had this feeling, but its not real. and i wont want it.

my camera has been collecting dust for 2-3 months? hmmm. so busy that i dont have time to really use it. if only there is 10 days a week?

2011-11-05T00:40:00.006+08:00

this semester is a killer. dont really like all the modules im taking.
really dislike stats! and psychometric involves stats too :( and why must org psy be like social psy. whats with the countless theories. idk how am i going to survive through. like this first stats presentation, how to explain those many graphs when i dont even understand what am i explaining to myself. funny right. and i just draft out all the submission dates. i have either mid term, presentation, report and essay continually on every week. and there's a day where i have 4 dam submission. oh man. and the day before is a mid term exam too. 4modules. im experienceing high levels of scared-ness, worried-ness and stress-ness now alr.

hope my bro is doing fine for his army. im kinda worried for him though. its feels kinda weird, we have been tgt for 20yrs and nv been separated before. this is e first time. it feels weird without seeing him, hearing from him, and without him irritating me.

you know i have so many things that i wanna do and learn. that i dont think i can accomplished them. my doggy home, my home services, still learning piano hoping to earn extra $ and be able to teach when i finished grade 8(but i dont really have time to practise it nowadays). and i found another passion, to get a certificate in dog grooming. really wanna do it but it requires $$ too. was checking out on the website on where can i learned and obtained it and i was so excited. haha. but i think i need to save $$ first. and check which certs are more reliable and if its accredited? haha. yeah and i wanna own a dslr cause i wanna learn photography too. so i'd be able to capture nice and pretty shoots. pictures that able to speak a thousand words. thats all for now.

life seems more interesting when you know there's still passion in you.

2011-10-31T01:22:00.003+08:00

upon seeing it, my heart beat so fast.
i cant believe it but aft accepting it, i really feel like cryin, but i just 哭不出来.
why?
it just felt like im at the 100 floor but suddenly im no longer there, voooom i have drop to the basement. and then i have to start from scratch again.
initially when i enrolled in jcu, i just wanted to be a counsellor. but then aft studying for few semester, i started thinking that it would be good if i could get honours and perhaps further studies so that i can be a psychologist. afterall a psychologist has a higher pay and apart from administering test, psychologist can also provide some form of counselling.

tadaa and today, it feels like everything is gone. im really stuck here.
i dont know if i should continue the 4 yr programme or just get a 3 yr one. if i cont the 4 yr one i might have a chance in getting to master but the chance is like even less than 10%? cause i dont even have class 1 or class 2 honours, i dont have D! :( and if i cant get it studying the 4th yr will be like wasting a year time.

so if i were to chose the 3 yr programme, i can still study master but only in counselling. and apart from studying the master i can also work full time. but the pay for master in counselling is so low! like 3k per month only! i dont want to get 3k or only slightly more than that for every month till like im 40 or 50? i dont know how those ppl earn 10k or even more than that.

if i were to study till so dam xin ku but the end product is still the same then whats the point? i dont want to waste my parents hard earn $$ too.

sighhh, my brain is in a blank now :(
if only someone can guide me along the way.

2011-10-29T01:00:00.005+08:00

Came across this dog activity session in the newspaper and its like the august paper.
I actually note down all of them. Ok the paper only had 9 and i went to see like 5 of their blogs and website.

And its super dam freaking depressing upon looking at the pictures! At a glance you can see their living condition, their skin condition, how afraid the dogs are after being abandon - that they remain at a corner and dare not move, how sad their expressions are that you could see it from their innocent eyes, and how afraid they are while at the vet that they stick in their cage, and like how these "volunteers" and "owners" of the organisation wrote description that some dogs ate like a glutton like they haven been eating for days or they're afraid there's no more food left for them tmr and some stench of urine smell regardless how many times they bathe. Can you imagine what kind of environment they are living in? ): And some dogs instantly wag their tails and like how happy they are that they jump upon seeing the volunteers.

You know there's this organisation that you will go around industrial area to feed and play with those stray dogs and meanwhile check on their health also. I dont even know if i have the courage to do this. What if i break down half way? Yet i can still tell my sister previously, no matter how emotional or sad you get, you must rmb that at least you help some of them and you can actually make a difference in some of their lives. Although not a big difference but a small act might be able to improve their lives. Like upon reading on those blogs and website, i actually started shedding tears cause the pictures shown is just so saddening. Cant even believe it myself. We're enjoying here and many of them are suffering there, its not very fair.

Ok im at a loss now. Emailed 3 of them and shall wait for their reply. I think i should start with bathing them and cleaning of their cages first, as this wont result in getting too emotional i guess. Or maybe it will like i will think "so poor thing, so smelly, how can they live here" oh man. God pls help them.

Really glad that mummy actually brought Baby back, and letting Baby to be part of life is the best thing ever. She has changed my views and life, given me and taught me so much and most importantly always being there for me. Love my little girl sososo much!

2011-10-26T00:45:00.002+08:00

school started and results will be out at the end of the week.
big sighhh.

tell me whats life, baby.

where's my motivation!

2011-10-17T00:11:00.002+08:00

finally finished the rescue by nicholas spark. he never fails to flood me with lots of feelings and thoughts upon reading his book.
it always touches my heart, this time round this book kinda ache my heart more.
actually finished more than half of the book on the plane, but this book didnt made me cry. just felt real heart ache and somehow i can feel it so much.
dont know why. isnt it so amazing, an author can causes so much of these on their reader.

another of his book, safe haven, is waiting for me. will read it when i have the time.

i think its really difficult to fall in love again.

2011-10-11T01:04:00.004+08:00

i really dislike the idea of ppl selling pups online through their blogs or any kind of website. like the picture of those puppy look so fearful. they dont even know where they're going to and how will their future owner be like. idk why i just dislike it.
wish i had all the money on earth so i can hurry fulfill one of my dreams.
have a store of my own. and this store will consist of several playgrounds, big playgrounds that are super clean and comfy that can accomodate many doggies.
be it from customer or what. also wanna try to accomodate all those stray dogs too.

but i guess all these are beyong my capabilities. but but i have hopes and faith. that i must make some difference at least in some doggies life. so perhaps after having my perm job i will save as much as i can each month so that i will be a step closer to this dream of mine. but i still need partnership so that it will not be so costly. like i have to provide grooming services also eh. okk will try to find someone who adores doggies too. haha still have yet to come up with a proposal. maybe when im free i shall think of it.

oh and what about my cleaning home services?

dont dwell on the past and what you cannot have, instead cherish what you have with you now. make sense uh. although many things are beyong our control, but we have the ability to change our views on how we perceive and see them. though sometimes being able to change our thoughts, things still doesnt seem good enough and doesnt change for the better.

试着看开一点吧。

2011-10-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

its 1245am now. and i need to be awake at 330am!
i really keep having this uneasy feeling. why?
and i decided not to bring my camera. shall just use my bb.

2011-10-03T02:36:00.004+08:00

alright flying off in a day time.
somehow i feel weird, kind of insecure. like my first time going away just with dad. though its just a short 4d3n but maybe it feels weird without mum.
and i just thought of what to wear. roarr i dislike my wardrobe now.
i wanna do more shopping but recently my parents are nagging me even more than usual.
they kept asking me not to "乱花钱" like always. and then later they will say our family expenses cant cover what they earned. "save for rainy days"
sighh tell me what should i feel. i get so irritated initially, like my mum only tell me this when i goes out but i dont hear her saying that to my brother. maybe i was not at the scene or what. just felt so unfair at times.
i didnt ask you for extra money except for allowance and transport. i used my previously earned money even when i wanna spent on clothing or others. when that applies to my bro too. so why do you still wanna say me? my lil sis says because i always spent $$ when i goes out but my bro hardly spent any. how true is that.
although i always spent but its small amount for several times. guys spent big amount at a time so you'll see them hardly spending. so add up isnt it the same.
haix okk maybe my parents have spent so much on my uni school fees and my piano fees.
i really feel very grateful. just that lil unfair feeling at times. like even when i come home late she still nags. but not when my bro does so. she gave him the keys on her own but when i ask, she gave all sort of excuses. how to not feel unfair. whats equality?
enough of ranting, after several days of cooling period, ive sort out some of my thoughts. its really really really ok. why make yourself feel bad when it can be the other way round. ive just got to turn all this into meaningful thoughts. they're just worried for me. maybe because im a girl. ok.

i need a part time job badly! hope im able to find one when i come back.
else im just going to go back to the old job. although am very reluctant to do so cause it reminds me of you. but ive got no choice ): maybe i should stop asking them for transport allowance by then.

why do i always feel that my future is full of uncertainty. sometimes i wonder with my that little salary, how am i going to contribute to my family and support myself at the same time. study so much but less than 2.3k a month sucks big time.

2011-09-25T22:56:00.002+08:00

Dislike it even more when you ask me stop complaining im stress. And say others want also don't have.
Like hello I know k. And I want to achieve stable life next time too that's why I chose this path despite knowing it's not easy.
Like wedthursfri. I only say once when I really really really cannot take it.
Why not tell the rest. Of course they don't feel stress la no need to study. Tmr exam still can watch tv stress what.
I'm like continually studying for few hours till I cannot take it really can't concentrate alr. :(

Come to think of it have been mugging for 15 days.
Nv even went out to enjoy or whatever. Alr push away 4 request.
FML now.
Shit im feeling so depressed now that I feel like crying. Nobody understand what I'm going through.
If only I've a bf now then I can rant to him and get a big warm hug from him :(
Okk serve me right. Sigh.

2011-09-22T23:52:00.003+08:00

kinda getting bored with my life.
sucha a routine study study study and study.
am so lazy to start reading my social psy tb.
left with a year plus and officially going to enter the adult working society.
i still dont really know what kind of field i wanna enter. like counselling? but i have doubts in it. or work in the HR dept. but thats not what i wanted. or should i just anyhow find a job just for the sake of working. idk!
by then im gonna be so old. like freaking 23. goodnesss. cant believe it. ):

ok anw im soooo hungry now. kinda regret not eating rice for dinner just now.

add some colors to my dull life.

2011-09-16T01:00:00.003+08:00

this is insane. going bonker soon!
like idk what am i studyin. and worse still totally have no idea of what the saq is going to be.
and counselling is flooded with saq. psychopath 4 saq.
arghhhhh. i will be so super doomed if i dk how to ans.

like the freaking social psy, thought i know and wrote quite a bit and i just got a PASS?! imagine if i dk how to write. omg lorrrr. so dead.

so sick of studying. i wonder why i said these. but sometimes i really dislike this feeling so muchhhh. that i keep telling myself im not gonna study anymore aft these. i need a breakkkkkk! like a long break.
but ultimately i still have too. i cant give up half way else i will be nowhere ):

arghhhhh!!! can i be put to sleeep and not be awake for the time being so i dont have to go through all these. exams are sooooo annoying. it gets even worse when you fail. i freaking got 0% confidence for this exam. BIG SIGHHH..

2011-09-14T00:49:00.002+08:00

Ohhh anw on sun mummy actually wanted to buy goodwood park durian mooncake at taka fair.
But this kiddy salesboy is dam rude. Mum wanted to pay first and collect later, he say can't. So mummy say can we reserve first and collect later. He says no too. So finally mum ask what if the mooncakes are sold out, will there be new stocks coming. He literally says he dk and can't do anything. Wth?!! He just insist that my mum buy it now. But my mum alr told him we wanna shop first. And like the mooncake will melt. He then say he can't do anything also and ignore my mum will she is still talking to him and gave the bo chup, arrogant, ignorant and super qian bian face. If you have such attitude, and sucha face then don't be a sales person. Totally ruin the reputation of goodwood park hotel. And why didn't they interview and put a senior staff there?
We went over to four season and all of the staff there were dam friendly. They really try to accommodate all the client request. Kk the end of mooncake ranting.

Now.. Brought baby to the east coast outlet ytd. More med were given and the antibiotics + inflammation med had to increase dosage.
So many med. Poor baby. Seeing her so restless alr ache me ):
And what's worse today is that she refused to eat. Like her fav egg, bread chicken she also don't wanna eat.
Only when we fed her then she ate so little bit. Actually very worried k. Like you see even when human being doesn't eat they have to be on drips and I hate to see that ):
Feeling totally so distress! Plus this exam. So not motivated to study and I keep getting distracted so easily.
I still need to study for 1 year ++ ohmannnnn

2011-09-11T00:02:00.002+08:00

im doomed. haven start studying.
): and i get tired easily. hello brina, whats the problem with you?
exams is starting on 21 alr please.

2011-09-10T01:03:00.002+08:00

This is so smurfing unbearable and I feel so smurfing dumb );
Why can't I just smurfing forget it and let go.
Why do you smurfing have to be like that?

Pktmmst

2011-09-07T23:38:00.003+08:00

back back. and baby is back in my arms too. hehe.
but guess what. she's sick ):
so happy that she came back. but she somehow refused to have her dinner ytd and breakfast today.
and mummy says she seems to have a flu. so meimei and i brought her to the vet in the morning.
she's down with sorethroat, smth liddat as doc says she has an inflammation around the throat area. the wonder baby has such a coarse voice suddenly. like you can hear when she try to bark or talk in a dog manner.
she's on appetitie stimulant, antibiotics, inflammatory med, some pro-biotics (that gives her good bacteria)
hope bb gets well faster. and the new maid is here. hope she's good too and everything will turn out fine.

2011-09-03T01:59:00.002+08:00

its 2am now. and im so tired yet unable to turn in.
need to be awake at 3 later and reached airport at 415.
so no sleep tonight.

missing my baby girl soooooo much. really wonder how is she doing ):
feel dam weird that she's not in the room with me. *sobs* empty me.
no more next time please.

to keep myself occupied i kept playing tetris on fb but now my energy are used up and i cant continue playing. grrrrr.

2011-08-28T01:25:00.005+08:00

ok earned the most for this flea! but still 10$ away to what was targeted later on.
but alright, mananged to cover rent alr very good lol. and i think there's some prob with my face. cant seems to to take normal or nice pic anymore. old alr is it. madddd.

mon is jacky cheung concert. hmmm im still young k but idk why like to listen such "old" songs.
maybe cause they are experienced singer, so they really sang very well like with 100% feelings in it that can touched you. so concert will be even much more better?
you rmb that 3 songs? miss you though.

fri is coming. so dreading for it. i know you dont know ):

just saw that video. so i think its either.
some guys are real jerk,
some girls are just too gullible,
or slut

meet the wrong one and you're sorta doomed?
ok but maybe thats not true. if you never experience down, you will not know how it feels to be up. i think each fall we had will allow us to learn. the more we fall the stronger we learn to be.
but of course the process is so tough.

you'd always be a part of me'

2011-08-23T00:02:00.002+08:00

fedupeffingsian.
walao eh i really hate to write report essays. i think it killed so many of brain cells that im going to suffer from dementia soon. keeps forgetting stuff. headache!
study study study. i still wont get what i wanted ):
roarrrrr. i haven even start my introduction. still stuck at reading the journal articles.
dont know how to start. how to write!
kk im so irritated now and the splitting headache makes it slightly worse.

i hope this hard times of killing brain cells to do reports, bidding goodbye, getting worried for my baby in a new environment will end soon. imma sucha weak freak.

2011-08-21T01:37:00.009+08:00

so mad. feel like chopping off, tearing apart, squeezing out all my tummy fats.
it has dam restricted me on many many clothings! like wedthurfri ):
whats worst is i cant control my diet. and way tooo lazy to exercise. suck my fats out lei.
i tried doing some sit ups and skipping. and like only 15min i couldnt take it. LOL. so pathetic.
need to come up with some strategies. cannot always think and rely on those slimming center in future even if i have the $$. think its not that healthy? hmmmm.

anw several things happened today. and at some point i really think its not fair. but there's nth i can do. i shall just accept it.
some pic that i have edited long time ago when i feel bored.

if you wanna be strong, you have to accept your weaknesses

2011-08-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

ohman so tempted to buy the gold plated necklace and bracelet from mynamenecklace.sg although it looks very normal. but i like!
arrgghhhhh pls control!

2011-08-19T00:11:00.003+08:00

being super random. i want my future bf to-be bring me to fullerton for their choc buffet! hehe.
felt like i haven been eating choc for ages. but my weight still seem to increase. lol.
alright.
dreading for next 2 weeks to arrive. i hate to bid goodbye, esp to someone who is so good to you.
my maid is going back phillipines ): sighh. think shes one of the best maid so far.
then i have to put baby at ... arghhhh diff 2 weeks to come ):

2011-08-18T00:41:00.003+08:00

so demoralised now. depressed max.
where went wrong? it made me feel so useless even when i tried 70% of my best?
life is nv perfect. BIG SIGH :( :( :(

人喜欢把自己的痛苦建筑在别人的痛苦上。人往往也喜欢把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上。
为什么。。。

2011-08-16T00:21:00.018+08:00

ok i just did something memorable today. LOL. so i decided to blog about it.
think im insane, bought 8 hairclips for 51$. alright, i know its really a waste of money but love it so much. so obssessed about it that i took so many pictures of them. HAHAHA.
then i decided to just take pictures of the bracelet, bangles or whatever hand accessories that i have. in fact, not really much lor. i want more "beads" kind.
maybe its due to stress caused by the 3 days non stop chionging for psychopathology essay, that's why i splurged so much on just hairclips. k upon saying i feel kinda guilty, ehoh.

yeahyeah, enough of ranting.
got to start studying counselling microskills written test. followed by social psy lab report and presentation!
and lastly counselling microskills oral.
then put baby at the doggie hotel ): ): ):
and off to zhuhai and macau.
when i'm back from the short trip, time to start chionging for 3102, 3103, 3104 finals.
life, it is...

2011-08-09T23:29:00.005+08:00

arghhhhh i really hope this sore throat and flu dissappear after i wakes up tmr.
ive got loads of work to do! goshhhh.

没有你的日子里我一直都很想你

2011-08-09T02:10:00.004+08:00

Came across this somewhere. "you can only let go if you've learned to forgive"
Think this statement is kinda nonsense. Maybe because it doesn't apply to me at all.
Shiatee. Haven even find psychopath journal. Sian got to write essay again. Apa format, in text citation, references are a hassle.
Hope I'd be able to find appropriate journal articles.
Think im having gastric now? Pain?
When I feel hungry these days it just doesn't occur to me tt there is smth particular I wanna eat anymore. Whenever im hungry in e past, I will definitely have some foods that im craving for. But not now. Hmmmmmmm.

I love you like a love song baby.

2011-08-07T11:36:00.002+08:00

How is this happening? I dreamt of you 3 times in a row last night.
And all dreams are continued story. Everything was with you.
Even the content was what I wanted. But my dreams nv came true so our path will definitely not cross anymore ):
The dreams seemed so real that made my feelings came back. If only I can sleep forever, and live in my dreams.
Roarrrrr it's making me missing you so much st ):

2011-08-06T21:55:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i think counselling is useless.
People tell you their prob and you cant even give advise and suggestion.
Feel empathy and make them reflect. Then might as well let them face the 4 walls and reflect themselves.
No point telling. Ytd lesson made me feel this way somehow.
Ok and I sent in 3 applications.

Whatever. You keel disrepecting me, nv stand in my shoes and think what I need.
Always thinking you're very clever and have you ever spare a single thought about me.
I had enough. Im not gonna care, not gonna talk to you. Actually I don't know what am I suppose to do, just let it be this way first.
You shouldn't treat ppl that way in the first place. Repeated actions and words make it worse. Can't people just treasure one another.
Ok I really cannot stand it when ppl always think they are right and talk to you like they are so much superior than you when obviously they are not or whatever shit.
&/$/@:@(@(!,$:/&@:

Why cant this world be a peaceful and harmonious place.
Heal the world, make it a better place.

Just saw this blogger application about the sources of audience.
If it's real 14ppl from US came across my blog this week. LOL they search the wrg site from google that brought them here? They have friends called brina as well?

2011-08-03T01:49:00.003+08:00

trying to do counselling ppt by noting the points.
kept worrying bout so many stuff recently!
i need to take it easy man.
like test and essay piling up.
and got to find a good hotel for my bb girl.
like i research online, and sg hotels for dog is way too lousy.
why arent they like japan or usa ones? i get so sad and mad while looking at how those doggy living in such conditions.

i need to achieve my goals.
1) i wanna set up a home service where it provides cleaning services to those married couples or individuals out there who doesnt have the time to tidy their houses.

2) i wanna have my own outlet where theres doggy care and the entire place must be colorful comfy cushion air-conditioned(extremely clean) with perhaps a few doggy playground and many many of their toys.
and a doggy boarding suite, like those kind of president suite at hotels. where the dog enjoy privilege and luxury lifestyle like spa, eating of high class dog food. running around the playgrd playing with their doggy frens. a 24hr cam surveillance so that their owner can constantly see what their pet are doing in case they miss them. and more of it to come when i can produce more ideas.

ok up till now i still cannot accept the fact that im putting my baby at the hotel.
): i dont wanna leave her even if its just 1 sec. but its 4 days now. depressed.

2011-07-31T23:31:00.003+08:00

bb have to put at the hotel for like 3 days ):):):
cause no one is at home. ):):):
guess she will be so not used to it and depressing.
i dont even know how those ppl gonna treat her there.
i wish i dont have to go. sighhhhhh.

keep having this dizzy spells recently. like entire place is spinning.
its spinning around even when im just sitting down.
it feels kinda unstable and weird.
whats wrong with me.

social mid term tmr. so dead.
i only read 3 lec. and i cant understand many shit.
gonna fair badly this time. i dislike modules that despite reading the tb i still cant get it.
i like human development and sociology so far out of the 9 modules.

2011-07-29T23:39:00.004+08:00

ENVY!
the baby is so cute. and she totally resemble the mother!
ok i always feel and think that having a baby with your other half is such an amazing creation that god has given us. of course, having esp your hubby and loved ones going through this entire process with you.
imagine a human being, your own child is inside your tummy, with a heart beating, living inside you. i think its such an amazing feeling.
nonetheless, it brings so much pain. was reading on the postnatal ptsd symptoms. and this mother describe giving birth till super turnoff. what tearage. omg. just let me think of the amazing feeling and not the pain part.

sometimes i really hope to be able to go throught all those different stages and phase of life.
but i doubt i will be able to do it.
im living in brina's realm.

我最幸福的事，当过你的天使
突然好想你，你会在哪里，过的快乐或委屈

2011-07-27T23:02:00.002+08:00

sometimes i think you're biased.
like why you think im wasting money so you wont give me extra but he is doing wise things so he is able to get it.
im a girl what, which girl 不爱美? why is that a waste of money. i dont understand eh but nvm. i will just accept it ok.

work is piling up.
social psy mid term.
psychopath essay.
counselling ppt and essay.
social lab report.
microskills
social ppt.
blar blar blar.
freedom is gone soon.

2011-07-27T00:11:00.005+08:00

i finally pluck up my courage and went for my 1st brow shaping/trimming.
k its kinda painful can, and i was so tensed. despite not comforting me, the lady still kept saying if i continue feeling so tensed my eyebrow shape will not be balance lor.
adding wound to my pain sia.
kk abit too exaggerating hahaha.
haix how to earn lots of decent money in a short period of time.
investment? business? is beyond what i know and ability to do now.
work? what good co. wanna employ me as a pt now eh.
i need $$$. $$$ in a rich man world.

looking at my marimo balls. its still the same size eh.
why didnt it grew bigger?

2011-07-26T00:39:00.002+08:00

Arghhh dislike social psy! Thought it would be interesting like what I thought but there's so many theories.
I can't understand bloody hell got to read the text. ): and the journal for the report is . . .
Why am I feeling so uncertainty towards the future.

2011-07-24T01:02:00.002+08:00

think im dealing with my emotions now.
really felt that my life is not what i wanted.
wtf is wrong with me.

eventually isolate myself in my safe haven.
where is the 1 i needed most.

bring me to a place, farfar away.

2011-07-23T00:09:00.006+08:00

HAPPY BDAY MY BABY GIRL. HAPPY 4 YEAR OLD!
LOVE YOU AS ALWAYS.
you will always be the adorable and cute little girl in my heart.
thanks for bringing so much joy to our family.

actually i hope baby wont age that fast, as dog life span like max only 15 years.
and she's so impt to me, i cant imagine how life will be without her.
moreover she's sleeping with me, by my side everyday, cant even get used to not seeing her.
ok this is horrible, upon saying this, im thinking. ):
nono i must cherish all the time i have with her.

ok i just love carrying, cuddling, talking, looking at her. playing her fav ball, chasing aft each other, and her scratching you for food, hoping on to your knee as she wanna goes out, keep whining and talking to you in a dog manner when she knows you're going out, and her always peeping at you in the corner of her eyes. and how cute she is when she just wanna lie on the sofa or lie on my bed, when i plays my piano and she will just sit below my chair or somewhere near me as if she is very eager to listen.
yeah she's just such a joy to every aspect of my life, except when she's sick i get so upset over it. cause you can see her suffering. oh no. alright enough.
conclusion just love my baby biggggg biggggg.

she's my sunshine ♥♥♥

2011-07-21T00:08:00.003+08:00

today presentation was kind of a disastrous. shiaat i actually stunned for awhile and my brain was in a blank of what to say. ok its e first time i encounter this in uni. maybe previously i was just reading off from my own notes. arghhh still left with counselling and social psy!

sometimes i see people of our age still posting those funny or attention seeking comments makes me cant stand them. what histrionic pd is it lol.

yeah ok and im kinda fed up now. my lappy processing is way too slow. and my internet speed is worse.
why must the modem be moved.

You have to learn to love yourself before being loved.

2011-07-14T23:52:00.003+08:00

ok i think im very mean now.
but i dont see how can a woman not dress nicely or at least much more presentable for her bday celebration.
like a pyjamas t shirt and a long worn shorts.
i wonder what are they thinking.

if i have a bf now, i think i cannot accept that his ex is xxxxxx than me.
cause my bf must have taste yo.
nana you're so mean lor. 你变了！
LOL sound like im talking to myself. ok nvm ba just saying only i dont have 1 too.
hehe wait till i have then maybe i will think differently.

so tired! and there's morning class tmr.

mummy had a fall today. and maybel told me she looks like she is in pain till she was gonna tear.
my mummy is super strong, hardly cry unless its dam painful so i assume its really pain.
she cant even bend down now yet still keep saying shes ok ok.
and still wanna drive when my bro can fetch my meimei.
i dont understand why.
if you dont want us to worry then you shouldnt do things to worsen the pain what.
i think she's worried that meimei will not get used to it.
but you cant let her rely so much on you, shes so dependent to you.
little bit things and she's cry alr, how is she going to grow up to be a independent girl?
she will be just be the second me or perhaps even worser than me.
i dont want her to be like me.
this attitude wont get you anywhere, always get taken advantage off only. 做不了大事，又常常没主见。跟大的说，大的不管。跟小的说，小的又不管。
dont know alr. its not up to me to control. hope mummy faster recover.

2011-07-13T23:02:00.003+08:00

one of my lecturer said these and i think it made sense.
"time will heal" is an idotic statement. cause if you're hurt, it will hurt no matter what. it has alr gone in you, become part of you and it will be there. 5 years later its there, 10 years later it will still be there. the pain and hurt wont change, just that you have learn to cope with it.

have decided to drop a module which means i have to extend 1 semester.
not sure if its a wise choice cause i will be like OLD when i get my degree. early 2013 instead of late 2012.

went for the hnm interview ytd. i doubt they will hire me. but whatever it is, i cant wait for it to be officially open. haha

2011-07-10T01:16:00.003+08:00

SOS thats all i need to say. dont leave me down crying here.

i am such a failure! i really hate myself now.
why do i always like to make myself upset over you?

to control your feelings, you have to first control your thinking.
please allow me to do so.
i can only blame myself. knowing the outcome yet still go ahead ignoring how hurtful it can get.
i cant help it. mannnnn.
what kind of woman am i. sometimes i cant even stand myself.
i wish i am dead now. i hate to experience this off and on again. its fcuking unbearable.

if i die young, bury me inside.

who do you think you are. running round leaving scars.

2011-07-05T23:18:00.002+08:00

hello.
whats wrong with me? i cant stop spending even like on the unnecessary stuff.
it cant goes on like these, i have to do something about it.
like what. just bring 5$ out everyday.
i wanna save $$$, earning it is not easy but spending it is like tap water flowing or what.

kk i wanna try to change my bb housing again.
if the reception fail or the phone spoil again, i shall leave it to collect dust.
haiyo, why must you make me believed that cheapo stuff doesnt last.

2011-07-04T00:25:00.003+08:00

wheeeee got back results.
thank god for bo pi-ing me.
my py3110 3 more marks to D. haix sian. like this how to even get 5 D for level 3 module.
its like mission impossible. all squeeze up.

this weekend was quite fulfilling. ndp full dress rehearsal and wc chalet mini gathering.
time flies like rocket or whatever it is. haha.
next week with poly mate and perhaps transformer. haha.

see i was quite pleased with everything. until i saw something.
and my emotions changed like a 360 degree roller coaster.
you crossed my mind. and my brittle heart felt as if there were thousands pricks on it.
i could do many stuff. focus on the most important things. hang out with my loved ones and enjoy as much as i can.
but up till certain point, i still feel that im missing you.
FML on this.

2011-06-30T23:55:00.003+08:00

why do i get affected so easily?
i feel that im at the wrong place. whats my goal whats my dreams?
i always say i wanted this that. but up till this point of time, i can no longer assure myself that i will be able to do it.

sigh. i need some faith.

the life is fading from me while you watch my heart bleed - the harold song

2011-06-30T00:33:00.002+08:00

i love all of you! esp my mummy papa popo meimei bro baby and my dearie friends (:
ok i really love and appreciate people whom use their 真心to share happiness with others and make them c: and they really meant it from the bottom of their heart.

whats the point of apologising when you know you shoudnt do it in the first place, moreover when you think that the particular person is impt to you?

ok and my tummy hurts like mad now. so uncomfy. must be the overloaded of sushi for 3 consecutive days.
the upper part is gastric? no it shouldnt be cause i ate too much not like i didnt eat. then why does that part hurts?
how am i going to sleep with this pain. curling up like a shrimp.

2011-06-27T22:20:00.003+08:00

somehow someway, i really do fear that my time will never come.
afterall the greatest problem lies in me myself and i.

):

ohoh whats wrong with me. feeling so uneasy.
did something happened? i guess so.
hope that you and your loved ones are fine.
bo pi you.

2011-06-20T23:45:00.005+08:00

15 min more and i will officially turn 21.
i feel so old ):
somehow i think my life is so empty and it aint perfect although i should be contented.
you know those feelings? whats missing?

some random pic. lazy to upload.

2011-06-18T07:47:00.003+08:00

Couldn't sleep now. Still feeling kind of upset and mad.
Finally saw the real you. On one hand I should be glad that I didn't accept, on the other im sad cause I din knew you had such att.
It would be better if you didn't turn up. But whatever it is. I still had a fun time with them.
Thank you gp wc rh yvon and of course my denise girl girl for putting in the effort. Love love.

There are billions of people out there, but you don't need all of them.
Cause sometimes all you need is just one.

When life turns upside down, seeing and cuddling my baby makes it so much better.
Her presence is the best thing that can ever happened to me on earth.

2011-06-16T23:36:00.006+08:00

): feeling so fed up.
this that those. not going smoothly.
i wish i was not back.
i wish i was never here.

why.
i shouldnt be bothered.

i need a cooler chiller machine to warm cool me down.

2011-06-09T02:20:00.002+08:00

Life is way too unpredictable ): after all these hard work and relationships that you have built up for the past years are gone once you vanish from here within seconds. Leaving your loved ones behind having a hard time to cope with your loss. Why? ):

I get affected easily. My emotions swayed easily. Why? ): I wished I had lesser feelings.

And im leaving tmr. Gosh I will miss my baby so much. Am carrying her in my arms on my bed talking to her. I hope she understand and I believe she does to a certain extend. I feel so weak now. I mean my thinking my thoughts.

For the Nthhh times I really wish you were here.

2011-06-07T23:00:00.012+08:00

i really cannot stand the sight of er xin ppl. but how do people know they themselves actually disgust others? or why arent they aware that their actions and everything disgust others.
hmmmm.

钱不是万能，钱也是万万不能。

took some pics before i went for a jog.
really fancy polka dots and leopard cum zebra prints.

2011-06-07T01:41:00.003+08:00

tell me whats the problem with me. im actually having difficulty sleeping during the night.
its still all over the place.

hearing others going through such situation that i've one been too made me upset.
its such a tough road ): why is this such a complicated world.

i dislike the songs in my itouch suddenly. it made me dam emotional.
i dislike talking about it cause it made me think.

i wish you were here.
i wish i could break my heart and feelings.

pom kit theung mak mak.

2011-06-06T00:23:00.008+08:00

ran for the second run. this time round i think i run the same distance as the previous time.
but i perspire more. so shiok. long long time since i sweat it all out.

cant sleep again. so decided to post some pictures.
from my bare eye to concealer.
my dark eye rings are really horrible.
its way beyond hope.

2011-06-05T00:08:00.004+08:00

f up service provider. firstly i totally dont have any signal at my house. totally no network coverage. and it wasnt like this at all previously. i normally still have at least 1 to 2 bar when i put at some location. this time round everywhere is totoally 0 bar. zzz. called them this morning. and they say alr reset should be alright.

and whats next. i went out with network but what the hell my data bundle not working no 3gs.
what nonsense. now im home its totally an empty phone. i got no network no data bundle. have to connect to my house wifi. then whats the purpose of having a handphone?

sms ppl then no need to reply alr. totally no need to call. what if i have impt or urgent matters. so pissed off. whats the point of paying such services when it keeps recurring.
called them twice alr, keep saying technician doing smth. doing what shit uh.
made me keep restarting my hp, spoil how. arghhhh!

feel like changing service provider but i just recontract. zzz.

ok chill yo.
i went to dye hair. mahogany violet? smth like red i think.
tell me which part of it looks like red. tian ah. $$ gone liddat.
like no colour ):
and i got nth to do so took so many pics. but as i see each pic i get more heart ache cause i feel that its more black then red. whyyyy.
meimei say i got colour blind.
things are not going smootly.

kk chilllllllllllll. hope i will be able to buy my sperry boat shoe tmr.

2011-06-04T02:29:00.003+08:00

oh no im having some 感触 again after yh tell me about their prob.

this guy-girl thing is so complicated.
2 persons in love with each other so why cant they work things out.
why cant people get together when they are truly in love.

so sad ): ok i think now i wanna help people with family prob, those inmates and couples with relationship issues.

but sometimes its easier said than done. i dont know where to find counselling jobs.
and bachelor in psy doesnt teach me how to go about counselling them. those intervention are only taught in masters.

i never really think that far yet. life is full of doubts.

2011-06-02T00:22:00.002+08:00

HELL.

all the accumulated feelings make me feel as if im floating.

some exam post syndrome. so tired but i cant sleep why.

2011-06-01T03:39:00.002+08:00

I will get killed by the paper later in another 15hrs.
Head pain like shit. Bursting. I can't really understand so memorize.
And there's flooded information. If those seq doesn't comes out tmr, fail alr. I don't know how to write out others alr esp that triangle. I can't link pp ph1 ph2 tgt ): I somehow want a guardian angel now.

My head where it consist some cortex which passes the pain to the back of my eye where I can feel both area in pain. Yeah whatever.
Experiencing pain and fear.

2011-05-31T21:41:00.002+08:00

Fml. Ohman I think im having some kind of anxiety problem. Panic attack or what.
Sensation perception is making me stress like @?!%#@%^%?\!@
Really got no confidence at all ): so dam scare. And my heart has been so tight and fxuking keep pounding so fast.
Save me ):

2011-05-31T02:05:00.002+08:00

For a moment I feel like giving up. I cant take it anymore :'(
How to define stress. I think I've reached the peak.
I know I'm lousy. I can't help it.
What's the purpose for all these :(

2011-05-29T20:31:00.002+08:00

I finally went for a run just now after 1.5 years. I rmb the last time I ran was with you at tp stadium.
Time flies. But I only ran for 3 rounds and am dam exhausted. And aft I went home I used mummy OTO bouncing machine. Haha first time increasing the intensity to 17 and my thigh butt everything below my body is shaking and vibrating like mad lol.
I think that machine have to use consistently before you can see any effects.

Upon seeing you like this, I really wish to help. But I know you won't appreciate and doesnt need me too. K i was reading on my sensation corollary discharge theory and I suddenly thought of the place where we had the worse quarellel and every thing changes. Up till now it's still so clear and the "impact" is still there in my tiny lil heart ): 天啊干吗还会心痛
I know i just need time. More time. But I don't know how long will it takes.

Pom kit theung mak mak

2011-05-28T01:20:00.002+08:00

Fml. You suddenly came to my mind, and now im missing you. Really wish you were here.
Keep thinking of the impossible. Keep having never-able-to fulfil and unrealistic thoughts.
Letting go is really never easy, not simple at all as said. I think most of us can only accept the fact that it has alr happen. Gone. And live towards the future and stop dwelling. After so much, it's still there. Forever there and nth can replace you I guess.
Now, totally drained off by sensation. Level 3 module is really very dam heavy ):

2011-05-27T01:48:00.005+08:00

Ohmyfats. Really want to lose weight. Freaking need to slim down.
brinatan you alr can't fit into tight fitting clothes, now your abdomen are growing bigger and bigger each day and you're still eating like a glutton.
You wanna see your fats bouncing of with several layers then you happy is it.

Nooooooooooooo. That cannot happen. Even if I were to grow old, I still have to be miao tiao de nu ren.
Please stop eating junk food fried food dessert supper. Kk I will go jogging after my exams. I will buy a skipping rope and skip 100x or more than that per day. Im starting to do sit-up and crunches but wth I can only do that lil bit ):
Must xia ding jue xing. Cannot keep eating cannot get tempted by fooods. I must do it! I dont wanna be a fat ass. I don't wanna end up having to keep buying bigger size clothes and bottoms. Nooooooooo! I don't wanna see that layer of fats on my abdomen. I need to freaking remove get rid of it. If only my mentality is like few years back where I can totally resist to temptations. Only eat healthy food and having my ideal weight as the top priority.

2011-05-26T01:59:00.002+08:00

What's wrong with my tummy? Keep on ls. It's like the N time this week alr.
I don't like this feeling of pain. It's like double pain. Studying sensation perception but I think I wasted 1 hr in the toilet.
K im still at lecture 1 of the textbook. Im doom! ):

I sort of like the tops from gmarket. I wanna buy more. Need to shop after exams.
Clear old stock and replenish new ones. Why is mummy always saying that my wardrobe gonna burst when there's still some space in it.

Exams are killing loads of my brain cells. And you know once your brain cells are dead, they can't generate new ones anymore. Am I right?
I assume im haha. I know I'm getting old. I can feel the symptoms of aging. Oh no.

2011-05-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

Omg curse and swear this girl RRR. Ok it seems quite bad to curse ppl. I hope you will just have bad retribution then. Hurts to see my meimei tell me and cry. She is such a nice and helpful girl. She even call you to remind you to bring your art stuff cause she doesn't want you to get scolded by the teacher. And now its just a misunderstanding and you treat her this way. Siao lor what's with kids these days. So young and they know how to hang up ppl phone. I only dare to hang up when I was 18 la. I think you really have some prob. Or your parents who don't know how to teach you and instill value in you.

Arghhh madmad.

2011-05-25T01:14:00.003+08:00

fcuk you, fcuk you very very much ahhhhhh.
my life is upside down.
nothing is appealing to me now except for my 10/15 m and moreeeeeee.

2011-05-22T17:17:00.003+08:00

我只能勇敢顺其自然。把离别的苦思念都算得看淡。人终要习惯，生命
就是一站一站不断在转换。

it somehow reminded me of you. somehow i can imagine you singing it.

its weird.

this feeling sucks ttm right now! im still stuck with stats ): haven even started human development. die dying dead.

qing bo pi wo.

2011-05-21T23:36:00.004+08:00

ok 1 more day left and it will begin. and i think this time is much worser than the previous 2 times. my attention span is so low that i cant concentrate and get so distracted easily. i dont really know what am i doing.

exactly 1 month. although i cant wait for the arrival of june but i dread for that day to come though.

whatever it is. im still feeling super scare and worried for my exams. i think i will go insane soon. i really admire geniuses.

walao my brain got tumour is it. or theres some veins pressing onto my nerves or what.
sleep so much still keep getting headache so easily. whats wrong with me arghhhh.

2011-05-18T01:07:00.002+08:00

Sometimes typing on a itouch can be a hassle due to my fat fingers.
What's wrong with me. With only first 2 lectures I took almost a day.
And I'm alr feeling so overloaded. Many unknown and unclear stuffs ):

Only left with 4 to 5 days. I simply hate this feeling of nervousness and getting so worried.
What's worse is I have no confidence at all.

How to calm my mind? How to read faster? How to understand things like a genius?

Heavyhearted! ):

2011-05-15T23:07:00.005+08:00

horse fan tai sui. bad year. haven half a yr and its so happening alr.

): loss of words. how to describe my feelings?

hang on pls.

uoy tub eno on tnaw i

elihw eseht lla em rof ereh saw chengst ylno fi

eseht ees lliw uoy epoh od i semitemos

I kept waking up in the middle of the night due to the 恶梦 for few days。
I kept having bad dreams for few days.
Is it kind of a bad omen. I feel so scare.
Damn, I wish you were here.

2011-05-15T00:43:00.003+08:00

unlucky!

first, parcel mailed wrongly and the blogshop owner still owe me $$ and shirt but never reply.

then my fav shirt kana burnt when i only wore it once ): and its unique.

cannot buy it elsewhere alr.

heartache when i see it.

character 65percent resemblance. but the look is way to cmi.

2011-05-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

很想睡觉！
how to study like this.
imsodead. havenevenstarted.

randomly came acrossed my mind.
the 1 thing that i can rememeber clearly i did not regret buying is...
MY FCUK WATCH.
still loving it.

how about rose gold this time?

2011-05-09T23:04:00.002+08:00

after tea - effect. i think pu-er is nicer than tie guan ying.
i just hope or rather wanna remove the excessive oil.
but its making me so wide wake and weird.
muahaha i bought bb housing alr. hope i know how to change it when it arrives few weeks or perhaps a month later.

imfreakingsolazytostudy ):
andmyeyehurtsbigtime. asifaneedleispokingmyeyeball,likewth.
mylifeislikearollercoasterthesedaysbutitsempty,hellowhatsmissing?

2011-05-05T23:43:00.003+08:00

fed up. i dont wanna do anything. just let it be.

i screw 2107 up.
i totally did descriptive stats wrongly. totally didnt do multiple comparison qn 2c.
and the rest where im unsure.
gosh. sighhhh.

pls bless papa.

imperfect.

and now,
i miss everything about you.
cant believe that i still want you.
and after all the things we've been through,
i miss everything about you.

2011-05-03T22:23:00.004+08:00

i keep having headache recently. and its so painful that i think i cannot function properly.
what's wrong.

why is it always like that. i see some random ppl of frens frens and they will always say.
you got bf right.
me: no i dont have haha.
them: you sure anot. you so nice, surely got bf.
me: i really dont have.
them: i dont believe la.

what's wrong again. i really dont have. its so difficult to have that special feeling now. its even harder to find someone that you love who love you as well.

我试著让生活变得清淡, 对幸福或寂寞顺其自然
偶尔小小孤单, 偶尔小小浪漫
不怕大喜大悲那么难负担

this is a bad year. why is it turn by turn ):
please bless all of them. i'd do anything i can.

2011-05-02T19:14:00.005+08:00

i am always just a substitute, am i.

looking at you makes it harder, but i know that you'll find another.
i really shouldnt miss you, but i cant let you go.
started with a perfect kiss then, but perfect couldnt keep this love alive.
you know that i love you so, love you enough to let you go.

the ride yesterday made me reminisce so much.

2011-05-02T02:43:00.005+08:00

bid goodbye to my red nokia e63 on 30th may.
seriously speaking i still love that hp loads. after like 2 years it is still in good working condition.
except for the battery that has little default with it.
moreover it has gone through thick and thin with me.
she has been by my side during my "lowest" peak of life. share my sorrow, my tears, listen to me all these while. hahaha.
i dont have a choice but to let you go, cause you have too many bad memories in it.
had been saving all sms from "v" and i cannot bring myself to delete it all these while.
until i keep telling myself to change a phone so that everything will be gone.
and i finally have the courage to delete near 3k sms.
ok now i can welcome my new bb. still cannot make up my mind whether to order red cover and change it or put bling bling crystal over it.
either way im going to love it so much, but that phone is dam difficult to use can.
im such a noob.

byeeee my lovely red dearie. you are so going to be missed ):

2011-04-30T00:02:00.047+08:00

She's the reason to my smile, my love ♥♥♥

2011-04-28T03:53:00.003+08:00

Words dont come easy.

lost in the world of brina's realm.
need some time of my own.
i need to think i need to process and digest i guess.

2011-04-26T22:22:00.004+08:00

Heavy heart
courage. love.
it hurts to see grandma like this. i know its painful but she still put up a brave front that everything is alright.
it makes me wanna cry more ): and i dont know why cant i control my tears.
rolls down automatically. its kind of irritating.
i wanna be stronger not someone whom cry easily.

life is so vulnerable. it makes me think even more after going there.
next to my grandma was a guy whom just underwent a heart surgery.
i think its quite serious yeah and e saddest part is his wife is pregnant. like i think 6 or 7 months? and she is carrying this big belly having to feed her own husband, having to witness him going through all these, having so many equipments and needles plug into his body. lying there unconsciously.
i wonder how is she going to cope and go through all these. so tough.

i dont know what will happen to me if such things befall me. i will totally break down. how weak am i ):
maybe because since young, everything was prepared properly for me. everything has been planned and taken care of and i dont need to worry so much.
but as i grow older like now. things changed. i have to learn how to grow up and accept all these. which is really a tough process.
it makes me feel like avoiding and running away and not accept and face reality but i cant.
why is life always not perfect? makes me feel so down now.

i really envy people who have their special someone there for them. who can listen to them, share their sorrow, guide them in life and brighten their day.
people came to my life but i didnt chose them because they are just not right for me. its not what i wanted alright.
where is my special someone? i dont want to be a old hag living alone.

2011-04-26T03:42:00.003+08:00

Where is my love? Where is my motivation?

Anyway I totally don't know what am I writing. It's so empty. And only half done. Half more to go. I got no idea how to continue ya know ):

2011-04-25T00:24:00.009+08:00

been long since i felt so stressed.
and there will be more to come soon.
im going to blow up, you know when nothing make sense anymore.
and i think my hormones are going through a intense fluctuation that is totally affecting my mood and emotions. ohgosh.

please blessed grandma.
im trying hard to calm down.

ok i keep telling myself i love sensation and perception i totally love it. its way too interesting, especially fusiform face area. yes man but how come i cant understand wtf the journals are trying to say even after reading like 8hrs.
goodness. i need to find more relevant and simple journals.
im so slow like a tortoise.
i want to be as fast as a leopard now.

2011-04-21T23:32:00.006+08:00

i couldnt ask for more for im contented and blessed with what i have now.

thankful. appreciative. cherish. hope.

everyone have desires, we gain some while we lose some.

what are they thinking? why invite whole bunch of people to your birthday bash when you aint that close with them. maybe to put it nicely, its a gathering to meet up with some long lost classmates. but put it another way, you just want more presents, more wishes. so you feel happier that way?
alright i have no rights to give any comments. hahaha.

i dislike crowds, i dislike entertaining people. im weird in a way am i? i just want a sweet and simple one.

but for now am extremely worried for 3110! i cant seem to find different journals.
whywhywhy. idontknowidontknowidontknow. damndamndamn.

the xx keeps producing unnecessary sounds, making me so uneasy.

2011-04-18T00:32:00.007+08:00

说好决定要努力忘了啊，为何还有眼泪停在脸颊。

love these songs!

太多的情绪没适当的表情, 最想说的话也不知该从何说起。

HEY, 我真的好想你，不知道你现在到底在哪里。